Clare is an amazing little girl. She understands that sometimes she can't have what everyone else is eating. We tell her that it is "Clare poison" and she sometimes gets upset, but most of the time she accepts it. If I am going somewhere that I know we will be eating goodies, I take along a treat for her too. She really like oreo's. There are 2 brands of brownies that I have found that do not contain milk. There are tons of chips and crackers that are safe. It just comes down to knowing which brand of the same food is safe. Just because Quaker instant oatmeal is safe, doesn't mean the generic brand is. We have to read EVERYTHING! We are used to it now, it's just second nature. I wanted to make her a pizza, so i went to the store to check out the "fake cheese". To my surprise, it all contained casein, which is a milk derivative. No pizza for Clare. I guess what she doesn't know she's missing won't hurt her.
Clare was a very difficult baby. ALWAYS screaming. I went to a family reunion when she was just a few weeks old. She was covered in a rash from head to toe and crying non-stop. Everyone was giving me "tips", bless there hearts. Everyone kept saying "is she hungry?" "Go feed her, the rocker is is this room". Feeding her was just making it worse. I was trying to nurse her, but when your baby has a tummy ache, the last thing it will do is consume what is giving it the tummy ache. I was so embarrassed. It felt like everyone was watching me. When my uncle said "well, She must have colic" I wanted to say "hmmm, what gave you that idea??" Everyone was trying to help, but I was just irritated with everyone, but I knew they loved me and were just trying to help. Most of the family were camping out in the woods outside my aunts house, but my aunt invited us to stay inside, since we had a new baby. I couldn't handle the thought of keeping everyone inside awake with my screaming baby. I thought everyone would wonder why I couldn't make her stop,or worse yet, think I was a bad mom. We went and got a hotel room a few miles from the house, but told my aunt that we would rather just go home (2 hours away) for the night and drive back in the morning. I was worried that if she knew we were getting a hotel room she would be offended. I wouldn't say that I had post partum depression, but I definitely wasn't happy. Here I was, completely in love with my new baby, feeling deeply that something was wrong and thinking that I was terrible mother. At the same time as the family reunion, Daniel's brother Dave was here with his wife from Georgia. I remember feeling totally embarrassed again, when around Daniels' side of the family, the people whom I felt were judging me, rather than trying to help me. I love my sister in law Jana, but at the time, I was incredibly worried about what she was thinking of me and my baby. I felt like they were talking about me behind my back and I was imagining the worst things being said. I had all of these things going on with a brand new baby who was miserable. Not to mention that I had no clothes that fit me, except maternity clothes, and those definitely do not make you feel cute. So, in lump sum, I was feeling VERY self conscious about EVERYTHING with all eyes on me, or so I thought. Once we figured out what was wrong with her, after the longest 7 months of my life, she was a much happier baby. Then, fifteen months after Clare, we had Max. He is the reason I have been thinking about this lately. I am totally amazed by the contrast in in my newborn experiences. He finally came after another miserable nine months of pregnancy. He didn't cry!!! Comparatively speaking anyway! I was terrified of having the same experience I had with Clare. It would have been figured out much sooner of course, but I was still terrified. He just ate, pooped and slept. There was no trying to figure out what was wrong. If he needed something, we did it, and he stopped crying. I was amazed. I held him as much as possible. I stared at him as much as possible. I am still amazed. He is 12 months old now, and I don't have to think about what I put in his mouth. He can eat anything!! HE CAN DRINK MILK!!! HE CAN EAT CHEESE, BUTTER ANYTHING!!! i have always had a selfish felling of jealousy when it came to kids who can drink milk. Since I can't give my daughter milk, there was something endearing about a child holding on to a sippy cup full of milk for dear life. I found it absolutely adorable. Now I can give milk to Max. And he loves it!! He cannot just run around with it of course. he sits on our laps until he is done with it, then the cup goes somewhere out of reach. But that doesn't matter. The point is that no one else thinks twice about giving there kid milk. That's just what you do when they turn 1. But, to me it is AMAZING! It won't hurt him! No one will truly understand what I am saying because they haven't live it. But what I am saying is that I am so thankful for what my Heavenly Father has taught me. A lot of patience, unconditional love, gratitude, etc... I am not complaining about Clare's allergy. I am so thankful for it!! My children have each taught me different things. I feel incredibly blessed. I love and adore my children more than anything in the world. I love what they have taught me. I love my Heavenly father for entrusting them to me. I am so thankful that he knows me better than I know myself. I am thankful that he knew I could handle this sweet little girls allergy and saw fit to give her to me, and gave me my Max who taught me that motherhood doesn't have to be so hard, I just need to enjoy it. And I do. I love every moment, even the challenges. Not always at the moment, but hind sight is 20/20. Clare and Max are the best thing I have ever done and as far as the allergy goes, I have learned to find it as endearing as the kids who can have milk.
Clare was a very difficult baby. ALWAYS screaming. I went to a family reunion when she was just a few weeks old. She was covered in a rash from head to toe and crying non-stop. Everyone was giving me "tips", bless there hearts. Everyone kept saying "is she hungry?" "Go feed her, the rocker is is this room". Feeding her was just making it worse. I was trying to nurse her, but when your baby has a tummy ache, the last thing it will do is consume what is giving it the tummy ache. I was so embarrassed. It felt like everyone was watching me. When my uncle said "well, She must have colic" I wanted to say "hmmm, what gave you that idea??" Everyone was trying to help, but I was just irritated with everyone, but I knew they loved me and were just trying to help. Most of the family were camping out in the woods outside my aunts house, but my aunt invited us to stay inside, since we had a new baby. I couldn't handle the thought of keeping everyone inside awake with my screaming baby. I thought everyone would wonder why I couldn't make her stop,or worse yet, think I was a bad mom. We went and got a hotel room a few miles from the house, but told my aunt that we would rather just go home (2 hours away) for the night and drive back in the morning. I was worried that if she knew we were getting a hotel room she would be offended. I wouldn't say that I had post partum depression, but I definitely wasn't happy. Here I was, completely in love with my new baby, feeling deeply that something was wrong and thinking that I was terrible mother. At the same time as the family reunion, Daniel's brother Dave was here with his wife from Georgia. I remember feeling totally embarrassed again, when around Daniels' side of the family, the people whom I felt were judging me, rather than trying to help me. I love my sister in law Jana, but at the time, I was incredibly worried about what she was thinking of me and my baby. I felt like they were talking about me behind my back and I was imagining the worst things being said. I had all of these things going on with a brand new baby who was miserable. Not to mention that I had no clothes that fit me, except maternity clothes, and those definitely do not make you feel cute. So, in lump sum, I was feeling VERY self conscious about EVERYTHING with all eyes on me, or so I thought. Once we figured out what was wrong with her, after the longest 7 months of my life, she was a much happier baby. Then, fifteen months after Clare, we had Max. He is the reason I have been thinking about this lately. I am totally amazed by the contrast in in my newborn experiences. He finally came after another miserable nine months of pregnancy. He didn't cry!!! Comparatively speaking anyway! I was terrified of having the same experience I had with Clare. It would have been figured out much sooner of course, but I was still terrified. He just ate, pooped and slept. There was no trying to figure out what was wrong. If he needed something, we did it, and he stopped crying. I was amazed. I held him as much as possible. I stared at him as much as possible. I am still amazed. He is 12 months old now, and I don't have to think about what I put in his mouth. He can eat anything!! HE CAN DRINK MILK!!! HE CAN EAT CHEESE, BUTTER ANYTHING!!! i have always had a selfish felling of jealousy when it came to kids who can drink milk. Since I can't give my daughter milk, there was something endearing about a child holding on to a sippy cup full of milk for dear life. I found it absolutely adorable. Now I can give milk to Max. And he loves it!! He cannot just run around with it of course. he sits on our laps until he is done with it, then the cup goes somewhere out of reach. But that doesn't matter. The point is that no one else thinks twice about giving there kid milk. That's just what you do when they turn 1. But, to me it is AMAZING! It won't hurt him! No one will truly understand what I am saying because they haven't live it. But what I am saying is that I am so thankful for what my Heavenly Father has taught me. A lot of patience, unconditional love, gratitude, etc... I am not complaining about Clare's allergy. I am so thankful for it!! My children have each taught me different things. I feel incredibly blessed. I love and adore my children more than anything in the world. I love what they have taught me. I love my Heavenly father for entrusting them to me. I am so thankful that he knows me better than I know myself. I am thankful that he knew I could handle this sweet little girls allergy and saw fit to give her to me, and gave me my Max who taught me that motherhood doesn't have to be so hard, I just need to enjoy it. And I do. I love every moment, even the challenges. Not always at the moment, but hind sight is 20/20. Clare and Max are the best thing I have ever done and as far as the allergy goes, I have learned to find it as endearing as the kids who can have milk.
1 comment:
What a good story! I want you to know that I can speak for Dave and I and in no way did we ever judge you. We just thought she was a calliky (sp) baby...no big deal. I am so glad you were able to go with your instict and find out what was wrong. Heavenly Father only gives you trials he knows you can handle...remember that! I love you and your family!
Post a Comment